Pencils, Paper, and Puberty Books

The school supplies list is complete, a new dent in the bank account accomplished. A first day outfit was agreed upon. Yay to us! We made it through summer! Had our ups and downs, but memories were made, sunburns healed, and we lived to tell another tale. Now we fall into school prep autopilot.  

Completing the check-lists is the go-getter's best friend. I'm a good parent and participant in my child’s education. It’s true, we are all of these things. However, as my child gets older, the focus on what she needs to be prepared for school has changed with good reason. My autopilot paused and began to consider, “What is really important as my child prepares for another school year?”

Back Story (because there’s always an OG)

In my head (because that’s where I converse the most), I had decided I would talk about puberty with my daughters by 3rd grade, knowing that there is no such thing as “the talk,” but it’s an ongoing discussion. Ha! It’s funny how plans don’t work out. My daughter’s talk occurred her 2nd grade year with a friend who had an older sibling. I got the deets, which I can’t share here (pinky swore), but I can tell you that the friend's version was not completely wrong, but not right either. I had to back track. 

We had an honest talk. I bought books, but didn’t read them. I got busy and went back to autopilot.

Body changes occurred. More honest, supportive talks took place, but my words were disorganized, complicated by my own discomfort based on my experience of these dreaded puberty encounters in my youth. I was also raised during a time where periods were gross and boobs were for boys, less body acceptance, more shaping for external value. 

Our own narrative influences the way we use language and messages associated with puberty, sex, and body love. If you are anything like me, maybe you’re on your own body acceptance journey thus, this may be super awkward where you are fully tripping over words. 

Why is this so important? 

Because our children are stranded on a school island relying on their teachers and friends to make sense of their school day. I’m being dramatic, but sometimes that is exactly how it feels. Really, through puberty conversations, we are equipping them with accurate knowledge and empowering them to have words they can use to describe changes that are happening to them. When they are babies and toddlers, we tell them about their toes, knees, head, and shoulders. This is simply continuing the lesson. It’s respectful. 

When should we talk about puberty?

Some authors suggest as early as seven, whereas others report that you can wait until your child shows signs of puberty. In general, starting a puberty conversation with them by eight is a good idea. I decided to rewind and re-enter the puberty conversation with my girls. I relied on the following books to navigate this topic because my solo attempts were just as awkward as my 7th grade padded bra. 

It’s So Amazing

This book covers everything from body changes, to how babies are made, and families formed. This is a dense read. I’m taking this at a slow pace so as to not overwhelm either of us. It will also be used as a family reference when questions come up. 

Vaginas and Period 101

I LOVE this book. I found it when I was looking for a 3-D model of a vagina for my younger daughter and guess what? It’s a POP-UP book! It provides very clear language around female parts and goes into further detail around periods and vaginal care.

So, what does this all mean?

Classmates and curriculum aren’t the only thing that change year to year. Puberty begins in elementary school. If this feels uncomfortable for you, get curious because it’s way more awkward for them and they need us. If you’re not sure where to begin, reach out. And if you’re waiting for them to come to you, don’t.

Know that I completely botched my first and second attempt at the puberty talk, but I have found a cool, even ground. When my past self wants to giggle, I notice that’s my discomfort, which is not my child’s to own and I move through the talk.

With you in this weird yet very normal parenting place,

xoxo Holly